I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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