Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
