yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
