His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
