Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
