He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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