Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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