Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
