Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
