ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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