Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
