i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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