Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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