Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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