I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize