the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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