i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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