So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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