She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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