I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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