So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
