they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
