whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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