Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
