dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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