I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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