So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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