Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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