anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
