why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
