Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have aggressive nipples.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
