don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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