is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
