Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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