we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
