butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My liver just had a heart attack.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
