First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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