Dual....:-)
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
