is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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