I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
