just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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