So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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