he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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