I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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