Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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