i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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