Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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