did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
