I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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