im about as happy as oj after his trial
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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