You're so nebulous sometimes
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
