new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
