Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
home. puking in laundry basket.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
