I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
