I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
