I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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