He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
