I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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