Four minutes until I can fart!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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