The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
