U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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