Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we're so committed to being not committed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
