he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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