You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
where am i from again
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize