Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
