Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
