New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
