i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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