420 ftw
he shaved USA in his pubs
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
