Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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