Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
