dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
