Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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