do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
