so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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